Apologies

Lately I've been feeling like i haven't been faithful to her.

Maybe faithful is the wrong word but truthfully i don't care.

She was the most important woman in my life.

and it seems like I've started to forget that.

Last night i wished on the 11:11,

and this Christmas my list to Santa said::

1. Mommy

2.Mommy

3.Mommy.

i would have been happy with either of the three,

but i didn't get it.

I DIDN'T GET ANYTHING FOR THAT MATTER!!

But that's beside the point!

the point is i miss her!

more than i ever expected to, yet i feel selfish

like I'm not supposed to miss her this much

because shes "in a better place now"

FIRST OFF... HOW THE HELL DOES ANY1 KNOW THAT??

no1 has ever been to this "better place" and came back to tell us about it.

I just want to wake up one day with her standing there smiling.

Mommy, i know your never gonna read this but i still feel the need to address you,

to tell you how much i love you and miss your beautiful smile.

Your beautiful voice.

how much i miss. . .

YOU.

i don't know if apologies will ever mend the scars created by my broken promise.

or if me "praying" for forgiveness will ever make you truly forgive me.

but here, with everyone in BLOG WORLD as my witness i apologize.

apologize for anything i may have done to hurt you, to bruise your integrity.

my deepest apologies.

**i've never wanted to hold god's hand more than i want to right now**

Forgotten Happiness

I'm sick of feeling like I'm not there. like everyone can go about there lives pretending that Tia-Mone isn't in the room or anything. lately I've been feeling like a forgotten soul like in everyone else eyes I'm not truly there. sure someone may laugh here and there but THAT'S NOT WHAT I WANT. i just want someone to hold eye contact with me longer than a second, or someone to hug me just a little tighter than they did the day before. or maybe i just want too much, maybe I'm looking for people to be there for me more than they can. but i mean i was always taught that friends were the family you got to choose, with no rules. but maybe I'm wrong there too. Seriously tho i just want ONE PERSON who will agree that the sky isn't blue, and will let me believe that clear is a color. i just want someone whose heart song can complete mine. is that too much???? i mean don't get me wrong I'm not into complaining about life and about why I'm not perfect or anything like that, but i think everyone deserves to be happy. and lately I've invested my life 110% into making everyone else happy that my happiness is second to me. so now that i feel like I'm fading into the abyss of New York City it seems like no one is even noticing because they are to worried about being able to preserve their own happiness. sigh* or maybe everyone is attempting to make me "happy" but i don't know what "happiness" is. maybe just maybe i need to soul search a little further.

-->l o v e * p e a c e * & * p o e t r y<--

1st Time.

Hey everyone, my names Tia-Mone [moe-nay] and im new to this whole blogging thing, but i have alot to say so i figured this was a good way to get out what i wanted to say without going on long rants to my friends about randomness (or so they call it). well i guess first things first im a senior in highschool, a spoken word artist/poet, a softball player, but more than anything else im a PERSON. just like you. so please refrain from judging me because im just here to get everything off my chest, without having to deal with my friends being jerks.

--> *l o v e* p e a c e* & *p o e t r y* <--

By.The.Way::
if you were wondering what a Forgotten Seraphim is, its your lucky day...well im pretty sure you know what "forgotten" means so moving on... A "Seraphim" is the correct term for the highest form of an Angel.