Apologies

Lately I've been feeling like i haven't been faithful to her.

Maybe faithful is the wrong word but truthfully i don't care.

She was the most important woman in my life.

and it seems like I've started to forget that.

Last night i wished on the 11:11,

and this Christmas my list to Santa said::

1. Mommy

2.Mommy

3.Mommy.

i would have been happy with either of the three,

but i didn't get it.

I DIDN'T GET ANYTHING FOR THAT MATTER!!

But that's beside the point!

the point is i miss her!

more than i ever expected to, yet i feel selfish

like I'm not supposed to miss her this much

because shes "in a better place now"

FIRST OFF... HOW THE HELL DOES ANY1 KNOW THAT??

no1 has ever been to this "better place" and came back to tell us about it.

I just want to wake up one day with her standing there smiling.

Mommy, i know your never gonna read this but i still feel the need to address you,

to tell you how much i love you and miss your beautiful smile.

Your beautiful voice.

how much i miss. . .

YOU.

i don't know if apologies will ever mend the scars created by my broken promise.

or if me "praying" for forgiveness will ever make you truly forgive me.

but here, with everyone in BLOG WORLD as my witness i apologize.

apologize for anything i may have done to hurt you, to bruise your integrity.

my deepest apologies.

**i've never wanted to hold god's hand more than i want to right now**